CONFLICTED EMOTIONS

Am sad, so sad

Maybe disappointed or angry

I should be happy

Happy that you found comfort elsewhere

But why are tears flowing from my eyes?

What is that supposed to mean?

Am I a bad person for reacting that way

Towards your happiness?

I need clarification on these feelings

Maybe I'm just scared you won’t look my way anymore

Like all the others, you will soon get distant

Am sad, so sad

Am not happy, happy for you, yet I should be

I feel bad that we shall not be walking the same path anymore

Let me just express this anger to you just this once

Because after today, I won't have that right

The right to question your actions

I hope you don’t let the gap expand

Because if it does, I doubt I will be able to close in

Am sad, so sad

Am a selfish person, I know

I will only be happy if all is going my way

I'm embarrassed about all of it

But don't worry, I'll try to understand

That life is not always about me

I hope we can still share a bond

Even if it's not the same as before.

The Muse’s Notebook: Mariam Salah