Reclaiming My Identity

"You! You! You don't look good in that."

Don't you see? It hides your true beauty.

Those words tossed me around like a ball,

to whomever desired to hit.

"What are you wearing, exactly?"

That's too long, isn't it?

Look at her...doesn't she feel suffocated?

I think they force her to wear it.

Take it off, take it off, from all sides.

They kept pulling my attire

as I gripped it so tight.

It's forced on you. Don't hold onto it.

But this is my dignity you're after.

Don't you see? You're oppressed!

They have caged you away from all the goodness of this world.

Take it off, just for today.

From all sides, the whispers of persuasion came in

like wind blowing into a willow.

"We need to fight for her right.

Look, she's oppressed.

She just doesn't want to admit."

The men have the biggest say in what she does.

It's all wrong, pull off the headscarf,

and help her pull it off.

The self-appointed judges tossed me in a ring.

I keep hearing their noise.

Don't you feel hot? Take it off.

It is a mechanism to steal your beauty, take it all off.

They don't allow her to study.

She's sad and silently suffering.

Look, she is all covered up in baggy attire,

they don't let her feel free.

Bring her here, no, bring her this side.

They have pushed me so hard that I break.

I let out a scream and it's all silence.

But why? Why must I listen to you?

Why do I need to listen to you?

Do you pity me more than Allah who created me?

You have swayed me for too long and I am tired.

Have you all forgotten that the first university was built by one of my kind?

No one told her she was oppressed.

Must I remind you of the young ladies who graduated with honours

and are just like my kind?

Must I remind you of the marriage of my sister that took place,

and she has made the house home for him?

Must I remind you of the baby that was born by her husband's wife,

and she's helping nurse her in the hospital?

Must I remind you that last week, her husband lost his job,

and she's helping fend for all his four families through her job?

No, let me tell you. I have heard enough from you.

Who are you to decide whether I'm oppressed or not?

What gets you so worried about my attire

that you want to pull it off?

You scared me with your nails

as you pulled off what belonged to me.

My dignity you tried to throw away.

The veil that shields me, a cage you call it.

To me, it's a shelter from the world's storms.

Beauty you praise so much, I'm confident enough to acknowledge that I'm beautiful.

Don't push me in the direction you prefer I take

because you want to feel good about yourselves.

I have been taught and guided,

for everything I desire was written down for me.

All I need is to read, understand it, use it,

and teach it to those I see go astray.

Don't force oppression on me because I'm not oppressed

by the rules that were set for me.

Don't teach me how to be in my religion.

Why is it only me you point out?

If it matters to me, then it should matter to all the other girls who find themselves too.

I have come to a standpoint, I have embraced and accepted what I have grown up into.

I have chosen my path.

Yes, I will dress as my Rabb stated it for me.

I will be guided by what was left for me to be guided by.

I will stay.

#Mariam Salah #TheMuse’sNotebook.